I Am Soul

Mama’s love, affection, and personality were so effective that she symbolised all the teachings received through Baba.  A yogi has a personality that gives joy to others, whose mind has good wishes and love for all, who never thinks ill but positively of everyone.  I saw these qualities practically in Baba’s life too; they were not merely preached.  Baba treated even those who defamed him as his friends.  Baba used to say, “He too is my child, isn’t he?  It is not his fault that he is ignorant of the knowledge.  He has this role according to drama because he has not yet had realisation.  When he understands, he won’t behave in this way any more.  Therefore, there is no need to feel bad about what he does.” 

I saw the same speciality in Mama.  Her life had magnetic power because she considered everyone to be her children.  This was her actual perception.  She interacted with souls as if she really was Jagadamba in the corporeal form, no matter how old she was physically.  One can imagine to what extent she had finished body-consciousness!  When there is no arrogance of age, or whether one is male or female, friend or foe, and no body-consciousness at any level, one would definitely be a yogi. How can body-consciousness disappear without yoga?  The power of yoga is most elevated.  One becomes victorious through the power of yoga and becomes a bead of the rosary of victory.  I witnessed this from Mama’s life.

UNLIMITED LOVE DEVOID OF DISCRIMINATION

There was an individual in Delhi who used to harass his wife a great deal.  They fought over purity and he would beat his wife.  Many times, he told her to get out of the house.  He complained about her to neighbours and relatives:  “Ever since she has started going to the satsang, she does not look after the home and children well” but he was lying because he could not speak openly about the real matter, celibacy!  He was very upset with his wife and one day, he did throw her out.  I arranged for her to stay at a Women’s Hostel (Mahila Ãshram) until a final decision was made.

Mama had come to Rajouri Garden, Delhi, during that time.  I was bringing the head of the Women’s ashram to meet Mama, but during my absence this husband found out that Mama was visiting.  He reached the centre before me and disrupted the place: He threw the carpet around, broke the bulbs, threw down the chairs and created a big scene.  He was arrogant and argued a lot.  He said, “Where is Mama?  Let me speak to her.  I will only leave when I have made my decision.” The sisters got scared and didn’t know how to calm him down.  There were no brothers in the centre at the time.  Mama was sitting in a room on the top-most floor.  He again said angrily, “Where is Mama?  You have hidden her somewhere.  Why doesn’t she come?  Let me speak to her.”  When the sisters did not listen to him, he forcefully started looking for Mama around the house.  He finally reached the top floor.  Mama was sitting on a chair next to a mattress.  When the brother entered the room, Mama got up and sat down on the mattress.  Mama spoke very lovingly, “Come, son, come sit down.  What brings you here today? Come son, sit on the chair.”  Hearing these words, the brother melted… and called her, “Mama, mother”, sincerely. He forgot his questions but repeatedly said, “Mother, mother…”  Mama asked him, “Tell me son, why have you come today?”  He just replied, “No, mother, there is nothing, no reason.”  He was so touched by Mama that he was lost in a peaceful and blissful experience.  Mama didn’t ask him anything else but how he happened to come to the centre.  Mama went on to say, “Come son, sit down on the chair.”  He humbly began to say, “No, mother.  I will sit down on the floor – that would be appropriate.”  Mama insisted and he agreed to sit on the chair but was unable to say what he had come for.  He continued to look at Mama silently.  Mama too gave him drishti, which was beneficial and gave him a good experience.  He then left her room and told the other sisters, “Mama is very nice.”  Mama’s motherly form had such an impact on him that his mind became light and he expressed that Mama was very great!  He told Mama that he would visit again and left.  Mama didn’t ask him, “Who are you?  Where have you come from?  Who permitted you to come inside?”  She spoke very lovingly and respectfully, and this transformed his mind.

EVERYONE SAID, “THIS IS MY MOTHER” WHETHER THEY WERE HER OWN OR NOT

In the earlier days, many people used to defame Baba.  Children of the yagya could tolerate their own criticism and if provoked, defamation of the institution too.  But when someone started speaking ill of Baba, whom we had special love for and who had granted us life, then any of us could get exasperated.  But this too should not happen and Mama’s life taught us this lesson.  Who will an individual follow unless there is a role model?  The ideal person has to be before us.  The definition of a great soul (mahatma) is a person whose thoughts, words, and actions are equal; they are the same within and without.  Mama’s life was as clean as a mirror.  Whoever came and sat by her – be it someone she was familiar with or a stranger – they would say the same thing: “This is my Mama.”

A similar incident took place in Amritsar.  There was a lot of chaos in Amritsar as a large group of opposition had joined up.  We received a telegram asking us to come immediately.  I reached Amritsar along with Brother Brij Mohan’s lokik father in the morning.  A meditational song was playing.  About 1500 people had gathered and were standing outside the closed main door, listening to the song.  They repeatedly knocked on the door, demanding to come in as they wanted to talk to Mateshwariji.  The sisters were sitting inside but did not open the door.  Finally, they broke down the door.   The sisters then said that Mateshwariji would not meet them right now; this further frustrated them.  “How can she not meet us when so many of us have come?  We only want to meet her for 5 minutes.  If not now, then when will she meet us?  Later on, you will say that she has left, which is why we will only leave after seeing her.”  When they broke down the door, the 5-6 people who had been appointed to speak with Mama entered the house.  They went to the first floor where classes and meditation took place.  Mama was sitting there in deep yoga and peace.  There was no sign of fluctuation, fear or worry on her face.  She was experiencing bliss in meditation.

Watching Mama in yoga, these people experienced deep peace too.  There were not impassioned or frenzied any more.  They went and sat in front of Mama.  Being religious-minded themselves, they probably felt they should not disturb her whilst she was meditating.  They carried on observing her.  Her eyes were open but she remained still.  They experienced bliss as well.  The entire room was filled with peaceful vibrations.  They felt she was as pure as a lotus, residing on a lotus flower.  They had various experiences of this kind.  After a while, they began looking into Mama’s eyes.  Her eyes were emitting rays of light as though someone was flashing a torch.  They could only see light and more light all around her.  They didn’t know what it was but could understand enough to realize that this was the power of great spiritual endeavour (sãdhnã) and she had performed such sadhna.  Otherwise, any ordinary woman would be frightened of meeting strangers or would shout out and fight with them, but this one was absolutely silent and unwavering!  Mama calmed them down with the power of silence; it was necessary to give these weak souls the power of silence and not say anything.  They sat for some more time but knew that they should not speak.  It was inappropriate to even make the slightest of sounds.  They were aware that this place was beyond the world of sound.  It is not an ordinary thing for someone to sit in one place and one posture for such a long time!  She had attained victory over the body, eyes, and mind and therefore, whoever could sit so fixedly was surely a great soul!  Few of them who had read religious books and done bhakti recognised this as being yoga and that such peace is only experienced in a yogi’s presence.  They forgot their enmity and left the centre happily.

THE MEANING OF PURUSHÃRTH

Baba repeatedly says, “Children, your stage of yoga should enable you to do mansã sevã (service through the mind).  At the end, service will be done through this method since people will be frightened, unhappy, and peaceless.  With your drishti, you should donate the power of peace.”  I have seen all of these lovely stages in Mama’s life.  It was Mama’s speciality that Baba never needed to repeat a teaching in front of her.  She would say, “Yes, Baba” and inculcate it in her life.  This is called purushãrth.  Mama would read the Murli herself and when she gave class, she would say, “When you say you are a purushãrthi (effort-maker), with what motive or in which context do you use the word ‘purusharthi’?  When you make a mistake or bring about loss, you tell the other person, ‘I am still a purushãrthi, am I not?’ implying that you take ‘purushãrthi’ to mean someone who has weaknesses and defects, and continues to make mistakes.  But this is not the meaning of purushãrthi.  In the true sense, it is someone who doesn’t need to be given an explanation twice.”  This is real effort and we have to make such efforts. 

TRANSFORMATION – THE BASIS OF HER CLOSENESS TO BABA

Baba made Mama the instrument because she had inculcated, in a short time, all the virtues that we are still trying to imbibe. We want to change our sanskãrs but it doesn’t happen.  Mama had transformed her sanskãrs very quickly and that was wondrous!

Mama’s faith was firm and unbreakable.  There are many forms of faith and not everyone’s faith is equal.  Many believe that Shiv Baba has come, the world has become bad… and so on… they have faith in many aspects but question how this world can be destroyed – they can’t understand it.  Many people say they don’t yet have faith in the fact that the cycle is of 5000-years. These souls come daily to class, listen to Murli everyday and even say they are Baba’s children but they are not considered to have 100% faith or complete faith.  One is to have complete faith and the other, firm or determined faith.  Mama’s faith never wavered.

This knowledge has expanded quite a great deal and a few changes have been made.  Initially, the deep and subtle aspects could not be understood and so if one were to probe closely they would find slight differences in whatever Baba had said previously and later.  For example, it was initially told that the soul has an angusth (thumb) form and afterwards, it was said the soul is jyoti rbindu (point of light).  An angusth is definitely bigger than a point!  The Upanishad (scriptures) also describes the soul as having a thumb-like form.  But with time, it was clarified that the soul is very subtle so how can it possibly have a thumb-like form?  And so, the knowledge became more subtle with time.

HOW STEADFAST WAS HER FAITH?

Once, Mama was summoned at court.  She was only a young girl and many wealthy and eminent people were present.  In front of everyone, Mama was asked why Dada Lekhraj took everyone in his lap?  Mama replied firmly, “He is our father.  What is wrong if a father takes his children into his lap (embrace)?  It’s amazing that you are even asking such a question.  Is it decent to ask this?  You too are a father, have you never embraced your children?”   She did not hesitate or feel bashful because she knew how clean and pure Baba’s mind was; his embrace was greater than heaven itself!  Those who come to his lap claim the right to Godly inheritance.  So her faith remained steadfast.  Many times, people say all sorts of things to save their neck.  They feel, we can think about the consequences later but for the moment let’s make up something and get out of this difficult situation.  But Mama was not like that.  She was the real form of Shakti and her faith was firm, complete, steadfast, and powerful.  Let each one of us check our own faith: Does it include all these factors?  None of the incidents in Mama’s life ever made her faith fluctuate to the slightest degree.  For instance, a number of people ask how the world will continue if we all follow complete celibacy?  They do have a point – how will the world carry on?  When we ourselves were born by this way, how can we tell people that they should not indulge in it?  It is challenging to speak spiritedly about purity, but Mama would answer with authority.  Several times people have told her, “How can a person who hasn’t eaten ladoos (sweet) possibly know its taste?  Similarly, what would you unmarried girls know about the pleasures of family life?  You haven’t experienced anything.”  And Mama would reply, “Do you mean that if someone has burned their hand, I too should burn my own to find out what a burn feels like?  Come on, I have seen someone experience it in front of me and I know the consequence of burning one’s hand, so why should I burn my hand as well?  Tell me, what comforts have you attained in such a life?”  Mama would speak unflinchingly and with complete faith.  This was one of her greatest specialities.  

People perhaps ask why Baba kept Mama in front and why he had selected her.  One reason was her faith and the other, purity.  Purity does not merely mean celibacy but purity of mind, speech, and actions.  Purity means to defeat the vices or be victorious over them.  Purity is not to have thoughts that have been prohibited, that is, bad thoughts.  Mama’s mind was so clean and pure that whoever went in front of her bowed down in respect.  The words, “Mother, mother” would emerge from their lips, be it a 70-year old person, an 80-year old or youth of 20 years.  Seeing her, everyone said, “This is a mother”, “This is my mother”.  Many priests of various Goddesses would come to meet Mama from different cities, as well as renowned journalists of big newspapers and famous writers (whose books were best-sellers), and they would greet her in dandvath (a devotional posture where the person lies face-down flat on the ground, with hands stretched out above the head in a namaste); like little children, they would call her “Mother” and shed tears.  What was it about her?  What was that magic?  I have witnessed the kind of impact Mama had and how influential her personality was.  Her vibrations had a deep effect on people.  After meeting Mama, they would say this institution, its principles, and dhãrnã were good.  Baba used to say, “You children are show-pieces in Baba’s show-case” and Mama was the perefect sample.     

Mama had gone on service to another city and was on her way back to Madhuban.  Baba said, “Children, Mama is returning.  You know that she is Mother of the World.  How can we make her come in the rain?” In those days, there used to be torrential rains in Abu.  Mama was scheduled to arrive in the morning, so Baba said, “By morning, construct a temporary shed here so that Mama can alight safely from the taxi and then go to her room.”  Baba had very elevated feelings towards Mama.  When Mama used to go on service tours, Baba would come all the way to Abu Road Railway Station to see her off.  Baba is the Bestower of Knowledge but also taught us practically how to give regard to our elders!  What position someone has in the yagya, what our feelings towards them should be, what our speech and behaviour should be like… Baba taught us everything himself. 

HOW DID MAMA CHANGE HER SANSKÃRS?

Shiv Baba is the Bestower of Teachings.  He is the Sat Guru and Mama inculcated whatever teachings she received from Him.  Mama’s face alone could initiate service.  Her vibrations of purity were very powerful and carried out mansã sevã.  Let us create a similar stage for ourselves, this is what Mama desired for all of us.